I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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