When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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