someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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