He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
