I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
