so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Pappa wants mamma naked
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
