i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
