I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
