Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
