I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sober January is a disaster.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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