Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
