sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
