I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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