Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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