Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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