I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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