i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
