I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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