If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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