Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
