I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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