I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
