I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
