i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
