Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
