Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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