if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
