what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
