You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
