My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
