I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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