He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
