just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
