...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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