is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
