At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
