shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
