The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
