i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
