are you still at the devil's house?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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