I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
