ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
