the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
