she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
