yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize