They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
