im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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