gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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