u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
