Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
