and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
