So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
