We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
