Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
