dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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