if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Still dying that you shit outside
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
