somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
